Meow Mumbai!!

“Meow Mumbai!! Welcome to the best radio station in Mumbai! Blah blah!! Blah blah! Contest …23456789….blah blah …Winner….blah blah..win…see movie...blah blah…23456789”
Moi dozes off to sleep in a auto playing a radio channel . We are stuck between a deluge of cars crawling on potholes, something that is alleged to be the Western Highway between Vile Parle and BKC. Amongst the blaring horns at 140 decibel, it’s miraculous that I can still hear the radio. (1st Note to self: Kudos to my excellent auditory nerve! Bravo!!)
Radio, “SO today we are playing the weirdest, sweetest Pet name contest at Meow Mumbai! If your Girlfriend calls you by an odd name, call us at 23456789 and win exxxxxiting prizes…blah blah..blah blah…win…contest…prize…23456789…blah blah”
“Oh! B*** C*** kya hero ban raha hai kya? M*C**** Doon kya kharcha paani?” My Friendly Auto driver says to his counterpart who tries to overtake our Ferrari.
Meanwhile the Radio goes on, “call us at 23456789 and tell us….Oh we already have a caller…Yes wat’s your name?”
Caller, “Hi I’m Jignesh!”
Radio, “Not Hello Jignesh, We say ‘Meow’ on our station! Is this your first call to our Meow Mumbai station?
Jignesh Bhai, “Uh, Yes…”
Radio, “Oh! This calls for a celebration!!”
(A jingle is played that starts off on a high pitch screech and finally ends with a meeeeooooowwww , meow)
Jignesh Bhai (getting emotional), “Oh that’s so sweet! So nice of you!!”
Yup, So sweet that even the amla chooran in my mouth feels like saccharine. What bullshit. (2nd Note to self: Get some more chooran from Ajmer before supplies run out)
Radio, “So what does your GF call you Jignesh Bhai?”
Jignesh Bhai, “She calls me dolly…”
Radio cutting off in mid sentence, “oh hahahaha that’s so funny, She calls you by a girl name,Hahahaha”
Me-> Snicker, Snicker (3rd note to self: Get those wonderful snicker chocolates)
Jignesh Bhai (adding emphatically), “no no, actually the real reason that I find it funny is bec…”
Radio interrupting again, “oh please tell us fast Jignesh, our meow Mumbaikars are all dying to hear the truth.”
Methinks how great it would be if the host of this show becomes pyara to allah.
Jignesh Bhai, “because even my dog’s name is Dolly. She finds it funny for some reason but my mom despises her for this”
Radio goes silent for five seconds. That would have cost them at least 20,000 in Advertising Revenues, I calculate. I also have time to calculate that my auto fare is increasing at quite an unusual rate. But that is quite usual in Mumbai.
Radio, “that’s the most funny thing I’ve heard hahahaha…. Keep us calling on 23456789 …blah blah…blah …prizes…contest…blah blah..23456789”
(Final Note to self: Buy an Ipod. It’s worth it)

“The Art of saying Goodbye”

♂ “Bye”
♀ “What’s that?”
♂ “Kya ‘what’s that?’”
♀ “I mean, that’s not the way to say goodbye!”
♂ “Really? Then what is?”
♀ “You first make a context, then taper off the conversation, and finally say ‘bye’ as a fitting finish”
♂ “Duh??”
♀ “Arre, look at me. I ask how’s the weather, then I talk about….”
♂ (Interrupting) “Hey wait a minute! We already discussed about the weather in Mumbai”
♀ (Gives me an exasperated sigh) “OK. So talk about a movie, about parents, about a collegue”
♂ “There is no interesting Hindi movie going on, nothing happens in my parents lives, My dog is too dumb to be talked about & you know how bad I am at gossiping about people”
♀ “your IQ might be 170, but your EQ is surely in single digit”
♂ “Umm… I don’t know”
♀ “You’re Stupid. Chow!”
♂ “that’s ‘Chow’ all right but that isn’t Ciao.”
♀ “what do u mean its chow but not chow”
♂ “I mean its C-I-A-O but pronounced as Chow, Italian you know”
♀ (blushes) “oh! hi hi …you know my spellings na”
♂ “by my superior IQ I have just calculated that this phone call has already costed you Rs 43 and if we didn’t have this last piece of conversation, you would have saved Rs 5..”
♀ “click”
(call ended)
♂ (To myself) “That’s the secret of the art of saying goodbye”

The Bike, the Train and the Dog.

At precisely 3 in the night on 4th May 08, I kick-kick-kick-kick (…10times) started my bike to reach New Delhi Railway station by 4 in the morning. The objective was simple; I had made up my mind to leave Delhi for good and was carrying this last token of 200 Kgs to अजमेर . And inspired by the TV serial “Prison Break” I decided to take the motorcycle to अजमेर without the help of any agent and without giving even a rupee of bribe.
So I reached the station at 4 AM and was quite surprised to find it buzzing with activity even at that odd time. I had already come to this place a day before to know the formalities to be done for taking the bike along in शताब्दी Express. The first step was to get it packed so I thought to search for some worker on platform # 12. One accosted me even before I could start. He asked 150 Rs for the work. I’m not good at bargaining so told him 120 and not a paisa more. He was visibly excited by this offer and I got that feeling ki I-lost-in-this-bargain-game-even-though-I-won. Anyways, considering the odd time I thought कि चलता ही . This guy, a certain A K Jha from पटना बिहार , had done a good job and made my bike ready, along with a number place by 4 30 AM.
At almost the same moment, a Labrador also reached platform number 12. He was destined for Chandigarh and would travel by Chandigarh Shatabdi express. Now every parcel that goes in luggage van has to be packed and labeled. While I was lucky to find a porter who had the material (used clothes and boris) for my Pulsar, no one could find a suitable material for the dog, who looked a bit perplexed. So they decided to keep him free of shackles but a name plate was assigned to him which was promptly hung on his neck. My bike’s name plate read,” CH 03 Q 8770 Ajmer शताब्दी , from NDLS to AII” . His read, “HARDY, Dog, चंडीगढ़ Shatabdi, from NDLS to CHD”.
Anyways my train was supposed to leave at 6 10 Am. I was quite confident to catch my train in time and it seemed that Hardy’s assistant was sure too. I’m not very sure if Hardy had a understanding of the events, but that’s a different matter.
So we were supposed to meet a certain ‘Babu’ to get our parcels ( read bike and dog) registered. In the parcel office they directed us to go to platform 13’s end point to meet the babu. We were assured that in a jiffy our work shall be done. So happily I set out for the labyrinth of platforms to meet a certain Mr उपेन्द्र बाबु . Hardy and his assistant were also in the same boat. The three of us (and my bike as well) made our way to the end of the maze only to find another बाबु sleeping. He directed us back to the parcel office as Mr उपेन्द्र had still not arrived, so what if it was 5 15 Am and he was supposed to be here by 4 15. I cursed the system and went back in the Labyrinth. We found Mr. उपेन्द्र at the parcel office and requested him to please book the parcels - Pulsar and Hardy the dog.
Hardy was not in a good mod after an early morning walk of 5 Kms. Even I was not in a good mood because of the same reason. While Hardy was looking at the hullabaloo at station with big sad eyes, I was looking at Mr. Upendra with my 4 eyes. Upendra asked me to fill up a form which I promptly did. He pointed out some mistakes which I corrected. He again pointed mistakes, I again rectified them. This went on some more times. By the time he was done with finding mistakes, it was 5 45 Am and my pocket was lighter by 495 Rs. I really really wished that if Hardy bit him now; how great it would be. After having this sadistic early morning dream I realized that my train was to leave in 20 minutes.
In the meantime Hardy was supposed to be weighted. His assistant took him to a weighing machine. Since we were now at the platform, only a coin operated one was available. Hardy was made to sit on it. It was ensured that all four paws were on the weighing scale. The Machine made a lot of ruckus that startled Hardy who tried to flee. But you know, no one could escape Mr Upendra’s पारखी eyes (Big brother is watching you). He made hardy sit straight on the scale and took his weight again. The weight ticket had 35 Kg printed on one side and मल्लिका शेरावत ’s 100 DPI low quality Image on the other side. I’m not sure which side of the ticket made Mr. Upendra smile. Anyways all said and done, I and Hardy departed our separate ways.
And in case you wondered, neither Hardy’s assistant or I, paid any bribes J
“Packing the bike – 120 RS
Parcel Wage -- 495 RS
Waking 3 in the morning + walking 5 kms on station with a bike + meeting Hardy – Priceless
There are some things money can’t buy, for others MasterCard certainly won’t work at the New Delhi Railway Station”

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish

RG asked me a couple of days back,” How come you know so much about so many things? How come your GK is good and how come you have some cogent points on so many diverse topics?”
Even I thought about the issue, and then I traced myself to this …

When I was 14 years old, a question that had been in my mind since I read about human life in class 2 got finally answered। I always wondered,” how are humans different from animals? We both are just multicellular organisms who have the same sensations and physical needs. We both are driven by same desires of food, water, air & sexual needs. We both are afraid of death and pain. We have everything common, except that probably Homo Sapiens are a more sophisticated form of life. So are we no different from animals at all?” I remember asking mummy the same question. She said that humans are humans and animals are animals. She said that they are different but her answer couldn’t satisfy me.

After thinking about the issue at various levels of consciousness, I arrived at the same conclusion that Descartes did in the 17th century. Cogito, Ergo Sum. Obviously I was blissfully unaware of the exact meaning and originator of the phrase at that time. However I realized that the ‘desire to learn, the wish to improve and the zeal to know’ are the central reason that humans are different from animals. And I think that when I was in my early teens, this answer dictated the manner in which I saw education ad learning. I think this, coupled with another incident, transformed me from a back bencher and last rankers in school to the topper in board exams. (The first time that I stood first or even amongst the top 5 in class was in boards exams, 1999)
The principle was simple। I decided that I shall leave no stone unturned in the persual of education. I wanted to know more about this world. About everything. I wanted to know about science. How the solar system was created? How does the human body work? How are colors created? I wanted to know about history. How are nations made? Why does a country succeed or fail? Who created the beautiful monuments? Who went to war with whom? I wanted to know about philosophy. About relations, about literature, about each and every damn idea, tangible/intangible thing. And to accomplish this I started reading. I read EVERYTHING. From comics to newspapers to hand outs to posters on walls to even government reports and legal cases files (in revenue board’s library). And still I wanted to read more.

People would get bored in engineering classes. They would say,” क्या फालतू कि चीज़ है engineering? कितनी boring है !” Sometimes I found things tough (GD/AECD) but NEVER did I found them boring। I used to ask each and every doubt that crossed my mind in class, however Naïve or foolish it might sound to others। I participated in almost all extra curricular activities. I made innumerate friends. I tasted wine from so so many cups.

Then I came to MBA। Those classes that interested me, I attended them by sitting on the first bench. And so many things interested me. I liked statistics, QMDM, Economics, Saikat’s Marketing, ITO, and ITL amongst others. And then when I had finished with them, I would sit with the juniors to attend their courses. I even took some marketing classes. None of them gave me any marks. None of them show on my mark sheet. But I think in the persual of knowledge, I learnt even more.

My Montage (people write things about their classmates at the end of MBA course) says, “No one knows what he wants. Not he and not even God. Believes in networking only with great people”. I smile. Probably only I amongst my classmates know what I want, right from the time when I was 14 years old.

मास्टर जी

जब मैंने 3 हफ्ते पहले गणित पढाना शुरू किया था, बुआ के घर पर मैंने कहा," मेरे को क्या मतलब बच्चों से? मेरा जब मूड करेगा तब मैं उन्हें छोड़ दूँगा। येही सीखा है मैंने IIFT से।"



आज जब मैं आखरी दफा उनसे मिला, तो मेरा मन दुखा। इन 3 हफ्तो में ये लोग मेरे मित्र बन चुके थे। मैं जब इनके साथ होता तो मुझे मेरे स्कूल के दिन याद आते थे। Sweetness और innocence इनमे अभी तक बची हुई थी। भोलापन बाकी था। मुझ पर आसानी से विश्वास करते थे। मुझे भी इन्हे पढ़ाते हुए लगता कि जैसे इशा या फिर अपने किसी छोटे भाई को पढ़ा रहा हूँ। हम क्लास में मजाक करते थे और समय समय पर मैं उन्हें डांट भी देता था। कभी मैं नाराज़ होता तो वो भी चुप हों जाते थे, कभी उनसे सवाल नही हल होते तो मैं अपनी पूरी कोशिश करता उन्हें समझाने कि। बहुत सारे प्यारे किस्से हुए, उनमे से कुछ ये हें -http://is-was-willbe.blogspot.com/2008/04/8-april-tuesday.html और http://is-was-willbe.blogspot.com/2008/04/18-april-friday.html



मैं जब उन्हें पढ़ा के आता तो मुझे प्रसन्नता होती कि मैंने आज किसी को कुछ दिया है। मुझे अच्छा लगता कि मैं ऐसा काम करता हूँ जिससे कि किसी का बुरा नही होता, सबका भला ही होता है। कहाँ Investment Banking कि अंधी नौकरी जहाँ 95 % किसी न किसी का नुकसान होता ही है, और कहाँ ये job जहाँ रात को सोते वक्त मुझे चैन कि नींद आती है!


कल जब मैं बच्चों को पुरस्कार देने के लिए choclate खरीद रहा था, तो अमन ने पूछा," क्यों senti होते हों उनके लिए? क्या फर्क पड़ता है उनसे? क्यों फालतू में पैसे खर्च करते हों?"

हाँ, कुछ नही लगते थे वो मेरे। लेकिन तब भी जितना IIFT मैं 2 साल मैं मुझे कुल आनंद नही मिला, उससे अधिक अपनापन इन 3 हफ्तो मैं पटेल नगर के बच्चों ने दिया। शुक्रगुजार हूँ मैं आपका!

वो

दुनिया मैं हैं अनेक सुंदर चेहरे,

ये बात है मुझे अच्छी तरह पता।

ऐसा नही कि वो सबसे अलग,

ये चीज़ भी अच्छी तरह मैं जानता ।

लेकिन दिल्ली की किसी सड़क पर,

जब एक हवा का झोंका,

उसके बालों को बिखरा देता है,

उसके साथ बैठे हुए-

जाने क्यों,

मन में एक टीस उभर आती है ।

जाने क्यों,

साँस एक पल ही सही,थम सी जाती है

मैं आँखें कहीं और मोड़ लेता हूँ,

जाने क्या सोचने लगता हूँ ......

विज्ञान, कला और आदमी

गणित पढ़ते पढाते सहसा लगा कि आदमी कि उपलब्धि ये नही है कि वो विज्ञान में कितना आगे निकल आया है। ऐसा नही कि मुझे वैज्ञानिकों के आविष्कारों पे आश्चर्य न हो। वो निश्चित रूप से मानवीय आकांषा कि एक सफल प्रतिमूर्ति है, किंतु विज्ञान प्रकृति में विद्यमान सूत्रों कि खोज ही तो है! 2+2=4 हमेशा रहा है। गुरुत्वाकर्षण newton से पहले भी था, और बाद में भी रहेगा। अगर newton न होता, तब भी वो रहता। विज्ञान सत्य कि एक खोज है ...बस इससे आगे कुछ नही।

कला (Art) एक बिल्कुल अलग चीज़ है। वो आदमी कि कृति है। वो आदमी है जिसने इतने सुंदर रंगों से चित्रकला बनी है, जिसने सात सुरों से करोड़ों गाने बनायें हैं, जिसने पत्थर तराश तराश कर अजन्ता - एलोरा बनायें हैं, जिसने भाषा का आविष्कार किया है।असली आविष्कार वही हैं जो मनुष्य ने अपने मनुष्य होने कि वजह से बनायें हैं। कैसे आदमी ने इतने सुंदर शिल्प बनायें हैं! इंसान ने अपने आस पास कि दुनिया को अगर कुछ दिया है तो वो केवल कला के नमूने हैं। केवल वही एक ऐसी चीज़ है, जिसमे हमने प्रकृति में कुछ जोडा है।

बाकी सब ( मशीन, बिजली, विलास-वस्तु) तो वही पानी, मिटटी और आकाश का खेल है जिसे मूर्ख मनुष्य अपनी सरंचना सोच के इतराता है और जिसपे सृष्टि मंद मंद मुस्काती है!

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"बावरे से इस जहाँ में,
बावरा एक साथ हो,
इस सायानी भीड में,
बस हाथों में तेरा हाथ हो,
बावरी सी धुन हो कोई,
बावरा एक राग हो,
बावरे से पैर चाहें,
बावरे तरानो के,
बावरे से बोल पे थिरकना।
बावरा मन देखने चला एक सपना। "
- स्वानंद किरकिरे