Meow Mumbai!!

“Meow Mumbai!! Welcome to the best radio station in Mumbai! Blah blah!! Blah blah! Contest …23456789….blah blah …Winner….blah blah..win…see movie...blah blah…23456789”
Moi dozes off to sleep in a auto playing a radio channel . We are stuck between a deluge of cars crawling on potholes, something that is alleged to be the Western Highway between Vile Parle and BKC. Amongst the blaring horns at 140 decibel, it’s miraculous that I can still hear the radio. (1st Note to self: Kudos to my excellent auditory nerve! Bravo!!)
Radio, “SO today we are playing the weirdest, sweetest Pet name contest at Meow Mumbai! If your Girlfriend calls you by an odd name, call us at 23456789 and win exxxxxiting prizes…blah blah..blah blah…win…contest…prize…23456789…blah blah”
“Oh! B*** C*** kya hero ban raha hai kya? M*C**** Doon kya kharcha paani?” My Friendly Auto driver says to his counterpart who tries to overtake our Ferrari.
Meanwhile the Radio goes on, “call us at 23456789 and tell us….Oh we already have a caller…Yes wat’s your name?”
Caller, “Hi I’m Jignesh!”
Radio, “Not Hello Jignesh, We say ‘Meow’ on our station! Is this your first call to our Meow Mumbai station?
Jignesh Bhai, “Uh, Yes…”
Radio, “Oh! This calls for a celebration!!”
(A jingle is played that starts off on a high pitch screech and finally ends with a meeeeooooowwww , meow)
Jignesh Bhai (getting emotional), “Oh that’s so sweet! So nice of you!!”
Yup, So sweet that even the amla chooran in my mouth feels like saccharine. What bullshit. (2nd Note to self: Get some more chooran from Ajmer before supplies run out)
Radio, “So what does your GF call you Jignesh Bhai?”
Jignesh Bhai, “She calls me dolly…”
Radio cutting off in mid sentence, “oh hahahaha that’s so funny, She calls you by a girl name,Hahahaha”
Me-> Snicker, Snicker (3rd note to self: Get those wonderful snicker chocolates)
Jignesh Bhai (adding emphatically), “no no, actually the real reason that I find it funny is bec…”
Radio interrupting again, “oh please tell us fast Jignesh, our meow Mumbaikars are all dying to hear the truth.”
Methinks how great it would be if the host of this show becomes pyara to allah.
Jignesh Bhai, “because even my dog’s name is Dolly. She finds it funny for some reason but my mom despises her for this”
Radio goes silent for five seconds. That would have cost them at least 20,000 in Advertising Revenues, I calculate. I also have time to calculate that my auto fare is increasing at quite an unusual rate. But that is quite usual in Mumbai.
Radio, “that’s the most funny thing I’ve heard hahahaha…. Keep us calling on 23456789 …blah blah…blah …prizes…contest…blah blah..23456789”
(Final Note to self: Buy an Ipod. It’s worth it)

“The Art of saying Goodbye”

♂ “Bye”
♀ “What’s that?”
♂ “Kya ‘what’s that?’”
♀ “I mean, that’s not the way to say goodbye!”
♂ “Really? Then what is?”
♀ “You first make a context, then taper off the conversation, and finally say ‘bye’ as a fitting finish”
♂ “Duh??”
♀ “Arre, look at me. I ask how’s the weather, then I talk about….”
♂ (Interrupting) “Hey wait a minute! We already discussed about the weather in Mumbai”
♀ (Gives me an exasperated sigh) “OK. So talk about a movie, about parents, about a collegue”
♂ “There is no interesting Hindi movie going on, nothing happens in my parents lives, My dog is too dumb to be talked about & you know how bad I am at gossiping about people”
♀ “your IQ might be 170, but your EQ is surely in single digit”
♂ “Umm… I don’t know”
♀ “You’re Stupid. Chow!”
♂ “that’s ‘Chow’ all right but that isn’t Ciao.”
♀ “what do u mean its chow but not chow”
♂ “I mean its C-I-A-O but pronounced as Chow, Italian you know”
♀ (blushes) “oh! hi hi …you know my spellings na”
♂ “by my superior IQ I have just calculated that this phone call has already costed you Rs 43 and if we didn’t have this last piece of conversation, you would have saved Rs 5..”
♀ “click”
(call ended)
♂ (To myself) “That’s the secret of the art of saying goodbye”